Some days are great. Others, not so much…those are the days where I wake up and am instantly swallowed up in my own little tornado.
Some days I think that therapy isn’t working. That I am not doing enough. I start to feel impatient in wanting Kara to hit major milestones. I question every little thing that might be holding her back. Some days I waste so much brainpower on these unknowns and these pointless worries.
Some days I notice that I am neglecting myself or the house. That we’re out of clean burp cloths or warm pajamas. I notice that I haven’t been to the gym in a week and that the polish on my nails has chipped into odd patterns at the tips of my fingers. The dust on the TV is an inch thick and the dog prints on the sliding backdoor create a fog that’s impossible to see through.
All I hear are little raindrops all around me singing “fail, fail, fail, fail, fail”
There is no crawling out of this storm. I have no choice but to hold on tight until it passes. Afterwards, I may be left with the rubble, but I also have a fresh perspective.
I believe that there is nothing that a good night’s sleep, a little coffee, and a deep breath can’t cure. Suddenly I realize that I have survived the storm and the sun looks brighter than ever! After weeks of practicing, Kara starts to coo back at me and holds her head up longer! Then she naps just long enough for me to run the dishwasher and spray some Windex on that back door. I make myself a priority. I eat a healthy lunch and hit the gym while Jacob watches the baby. When I get home, I take a l o o o o n g, steamy, relaxing shower because I deserve it.
I know that things will cycle back around and I will be hit with another tornado sooner rather than later. However, I can promise that I will always come out on the other side. Though things might get tough from time to time, I have learned that it makes the good stuff that much better. Even with all of the stress, chaos, anxiety, and times of doubt, I wouldn’t have my life any other way. It’s all mine. I work hard for it.