I have never felt like this. There are no words to describe it.
I have never been so fiercely protective or so pathetically vulnerable.
My love for her literally brings me to tears. (Although this is probably partly due to my hormones currently raging out of control.)
I got to see her face this week with a 3D sonogram and I could hardly contain my emotions. I did, but only until I made it back to my car after the appointment. Then I spent the next 20 minutes looking at her beautiful face and crying tears of pure joy. I know it’s cheesy, but I have never felt happier in my life.
She was playing shy and covering her face, but there’s no hiding those lips! She is, hands down, the most beautiful and precious thing that I have ever seen.
Later, it hit me that when I was in my car that afternoon I enjoyed every second of those 20 minutes I spent looking at the sonogram pictures. I didn’t think about Down syndrome once. She’s my girl and that’s that. Only after I realized this did I start to search her face for characteristics. What did I find?
Nothing. Only more happy tears.
It doesn’t matter what characteristics of Down syndrome she shows. I am head over heels in love with my baby girl. She’s going to be smart, talented, and beautiful no matter what ❤
These are the kinds of changes I am sensing in myself. I’m not as worried about how DS will affect her life anymore. I am starting to let go of the “what-ifs” and focus on that bubbly, excited feeling that boils up in my heart every time I think about her.
I can’t even believe that we’re so close to meeting. She will be here by the end of next month! It seems like yesterday I was posting our pregnancy announcement and now we’re 32 weeks along. Not that long ago, I was feeling her stir in my belly for the first time. Now, she’s having playtime with us! Jacob likes to gently push on her and she’ll kick him back…back and forth…until he falls asleep and I’m left with a riled up baby kicking my insides!
Her activeness was helpful this week when we went in for her first biophysical profile. This is where they look for certain movements and breathing patterns so they can asses her well-being. There are lots of reasons for doing this, but with us, it’s because we’re considered a high-risk pregnancy. These profiles will continue once a week until she’s born. This week, she passed her profile with FLYING COLORS! The doctor also said that her growth pattern is perfectly on schedule, but that she is measuring small. In other words, everything is normal, she’s just a small person. I’ve gotten so used to hearing disappointing news these past few months, that it’s nice to have a run of happy updates.
Adding to the happy updates, the nursery is coming along splendidly and will be ready for her soon! We have gotten almost everything set up using what we’ve received from our wonderful family and friends. This past weekend wrapped up our baby showers so it was a good time to start organizing!
Saturday we were able to celebrate with my dad’s side of the family. My aunt and sister threw a gorgeous shower for us featuring a pretty little lemonade stand for Baby Girl. It was themed “You are my sunshine” and was so cheery ☀️! We got loaded up with lots of necessities and lots of love! Grandpa Joe (my dad) got Baby Girl her crib last month and spoiled us again by sending a beautiful bassinet this weekend. He wanted to cover everything that she’d be napping in 🙂 I got a good laugh out of a game we played where everyone guessed how big around I was by cutting off a piece of string. It was funny to see all of the HUGE pieces that everyone cut off! The winner was my little sister who was, surprisingly, almost spot on with her measurement! No one else even came close!
The next day was my final shower and my friends didn’t disappoint! This party was special to me because all of the guests are connected by the police force. Most are married into the blue family, but some share their profession with their husbands.
It amazes me how this one detail initially brought us together, but there are so many things keeping us close. We love to do things together and everyone puts forth effort to be involved in each others lives. It is a strong bond and I often think about how much these girls mean to me. It’s a lifestyle that requires a different kind of support and level of understanding. I love that we can lean on each other as we raise our families side-by-side.
I mentioned my hysterical hormones earlier. It’s no joke. I haven’t cried this much since the first trimester and even then, it doesn’t hold a candle to how much I’ve cried lately. Fortunately, I only have good things to blubber about these days so they are mostly happy tears. I have felt so overwhelmed with love. What a wonderful problem to have.