My Unapologetic Apology

I’ve said it a thousand times – I am grateful for my life, for what I’ve been given. Yet I still feel like I owe an apology anytime I spend more than ten minutes with someone. I leave thinking “Oh, great. I did it again.”

I’m sorry that I hogged the conversation.

I’m sorry that I teared up for no apparent reason.

I’m sorry that all I talked about was Down syndrome.

I’m sorry if it made you feel uncomfortable.

I’m sorry if you felt like you couldn’t be open with me about your more “typical” child’s successes.

Maybe it seemed like I was struggling. I might have been. Some days are harder than others. But I’m tough. You need to know that underneath it all, I have truly never been happier.

I talk about Down syndrome because the moment those two words were said to me, my world was turned completely upside-down. I had plans. I had expectations. Within a matter of seconds those things were gone. Evaporated. Everything was different and now, over a year later, I’m still trying to catch my breath.

Kara is my life now. My heart. My mission.

Every day is a challenge. I am up to my ears in information. Every move I make, I make with intention. Every look. Every sound. Every touch. It is extremely hard for me to turn it off, even if I’m not around her.

I want to teach you. I want you to see my daughter through my eyes. I want to prove that she is meant for amazing things. I am desperate for you to understand how hard she is working to do the same things that you and I take for granted. I share because I want YOU to share. I want to see the world change its perception of Down syndrome. I want the world to become more accepting than it is today & I want you to be a part of it.

So I guess this is less of an apology and more of a thank you.

Thank you for considering my feelings. Thanks for helping me push through. Thanks for coming back for another conversation after I hogged the last one. Because I DO care about what’s going on in your life. I DO care about your child’s successes. I want to join in and I want to celebrate. I just need you to understand why I may not celebrate until the next day. I don’t know if time will change things. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to a point where my emotional roller coaster will plateau, but thank you for sticking by my side because I don’t know if I could have gotten to this point without your love.

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3 thoughts on “My Unapologetic Apology

  1. I don’t know you personally but by the way you are processing and sharing I believe the roller coaster will slow down. I’m only 5 1/2 years in and there are still ups and downs but they are so much slower!

    Sounds to me you are a great mom! Congrats on your precious baby.

    Like

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